Not really,
Here I sit two weeks after my intense interview at the University of Akron for the Special Events Manager and still no word. I realize that universities require many departments and a whole lot of paperwork, but still it is no easier on me. In fact the mere stress of it all had me down in out with a cold/flu last week. Maybe I cannot blame it all on the stress but I am sure it does not help. Right now it is 11:30 pm and I am unable to sleep because of all the "what ifs" in my head. Sometimes I wish that I would not think about it all, and yet here I am.
Life would be easier if:
I was not married and I could move on a dime
BUT life would not have as much joy either (dang love)
My father did not have cancer and I could feel at ease about moving far away
BUT I would take life much more for granted and not seize the day as I am now
I did not care about finding a job that I enjoyed
BUT then my life would not be as satisfying
I would not over analyze things to much
BUT then I would not be as good at my job as I am
I already had a full-time job
BUT then I would not be learning valuable life lessons about struggling
OK enough. Phew, glad to get that off my chest
Showing posts with label job search. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job search. Show all posts
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Catching Up
I realize that I have been slacking on my blog. It seems that it is the last thing I think of when working two jobs and just trying to keep training up. I am sure people are rarely reading it these days anyway, but here is an update on my life in the past month.
Work:
Well I have two jobs but not a full-time one yet. I am still working part time at the University of Akron as an Outdoor Adventure Recreation Specialist- in fact I am applying at the Student Rec for a full-time job (wish me luck). I have made it through a phone interview that has now turned into a full day on campus interview. It is down to me and a few others. Nervous excitement is the word that I am using...I have put a lot of hope into getting this job, but I know that may be "putting my eggs into one basket" as the saying goes. I am trying to push that hope to the side and think more logically about it all, but I am a dreamer so the likeliness of that is slim.
My other job is at Cleveland Metroparks, as the Institute of the Great Outdoors Seasonal (very similar to my job at Akron). I really like the job, but there are no full-time positions to try for and the drive up there stinks (especially with rising gas prices). In someways it feels like I am stuck permanently as the great part-time employee that people do not want to get rid of because I work hard and I am paid cheap but I hope that my hard work will pay off at some point. I know P would appreciate some help with the bills, we are very tight now and a full time job would allow some of that stress to leave him. He was amazing to support me through my undergrad, I just want that undergrad to pay off at some point, for him more than me.
Training:
Training has been going well, I feel like I my body is getting back to healthy after the long recovery from the torn meniscus. We are swimming, biking, running, hiking, paddling, etc to better health. At times I feel the irony of life that I enjoy too many pursuits so that I will never be good at just one thing. I cannot sacrifice one thing that I do for another, and that has been my choice. I would be sad to give up just one of them, in fact I find myself taking on even more sports (how many can you do before it becomes too much...we will see).
As for races I have had a season of disappointments. I find that maybe one out of seven turns out OK. Between GI issues, side cramps, and muscle tightness, I just have not been feeling like my old self. It has been frustrating, I am 27 years of age, is my body already deteriorating? I stretch and rest and try hard, why do I feel like my body is giving out on me? Plus the last week of heat almost killed me, I was struggling to breathe and my legs have felt tired. I am not sure what to do about all of that. Hopefully time will start to see some changes.
On a side note, I have decided after two marathon trainings that had to end in injury, that I am training for the Akron Marathon with my dad. For those of you who do not know, he has Leukemia (CLL) now for 3+ years. In that time he has run 5 marathons, 6 half-marathons, and numerous small races. He is not "fast" but he is steady and his mind is tough. I think God is telling me that my first marathon should be with him...maybe that is why my marathon training has never worked out, I needed to experience this with him first. So I will be running the Akron with my father because he is my inspiration. BTW, who runs their first marathon for time anyway? I want him there to pull me along in those last tough miles.
Life:
My life is fairly good, P and I had our four year wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago. I feel blessed to be with someone who loves me so much. He has always made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and that has not changed. I now get when people say that you fall more in love with the one you are with. I told him the other day that I love him more than the day that we married, I think that is because in every rough patch we have made it through, we have become even closer because our understanding of each other has only grown. I am thankful that he is in my life.
Work:
Well I have two jobs but not a full-time one yet. I am still working part time at the University of Akron as an Outdoor Adventure Recreation Specialist- in fact I am applying at the Student Rec for a full-time job (wish me luck). I have made it through a phone interview that has now turned into a full day on campus interview. It is down to me and a few others. Nervous excitement is the word that I am using...I have put a lot of hope into getting this job, but I know that may be "putting my eggs into one basket" as the saying goes. I am trying to push that hope to the side and think more logically about it all, but I am a dreamer so the likeliness of that is slim.
My other job is at Cleveland Metroparks, as the Institute of the Great Outdoors Seasonal (very similar to my job at Akron). I really like the job, but there are no full-time positions to try for and the drive up there stinks (especially with rising gas prices). In someways it feels like I am stuck permanently as the great part-time employee that people do not want to get rid of because I work hard and I am paid cheap but I hope that my hard work will pay off at some point. I know P would appreciate some help with the bills, we are very tight now and a full time job would allow some of that stress to leave him. He was amazing to support me through my undergrad, I just want that undergrad to pay off at some point, for him more than me.
Training:
Training has been going well, I feel like I my body is getting back to healthy after the long recovery from the torn meniscus. We are swimming, biking, running, hiking, paddling, etc to better health. At times I feel the irony of life that I enjoy too many pursuits so that I will never be good at just one thing. I cannot sacrifice one thing that I do for another, and that has been my choice. I would be sad to give up just one of them, in fact I find myself taking on even more sports (how many can you do before it becomes too much...we will see).
As for races I have had a season of disappointments. I find that maybe one out of seven turns out OK. Between GI issues, side cramps, and muscle tightness, I just have not been feeling like my old self. It has been frustrating, I am 27 years of age, is my body already deteriorating? I stretch and rest and try hard, why do I feel like my body is giving out on me? Plus the last week of heat almost killed me, I was struggling to breathe and my legs have felt tired. I am not sure what to do about all of that. Hopefully time will start to see some changes.
On a side note, I have decided after two marathon trainings that had to end in injury, that I am training for the Akron Marathon with my dad. For those of you who do not know, he has Leukemia (CLL) now for 3+ years. In that time he has run 5 marathons, 6 half-marathons, and numerous small races. He is not "fast" but he is steady and his mind is tough. I think God is telling me that my first marathon should be with him...maybe that is why my marathon training has never worked out, I needed to experience this with him first. So I will be running the Akron with my father because he is my inspiration. BTW, who runs their first marathon for time anyway? I want him there to pull me along in those last tough miles.
Life:
My life is fairly good, P and I had our four year wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago. I feel blessed to be with someone who loves me so much. He has always made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and that has not changed. I now get when people say that you fall more in love with the one you are with. I told him the other day that I love him more than the day that we married, I think that is because in every rough patch we have made it through, we have become even closer because our understanding of each other has only grown. I am thankful that he is in my life.
Monday, May 19, 2008
trepidation
Over a week since I have had to "school it". Funny how we end up where we are in life. Here I am not sure what/where the next chapter in my life is headed. A little relieved and at the same time a little uncertain. I am sure this is the feeling you get when you are truly at the crossroads. On one side is the past- the things that have shaped you as a person, the other side focuses on the future- the things that you hope and reach for. Part of me wants to stay in the comfort zone that I have clung dearly onto, the other wants to heave herself forward.
I am scared...is that weak to announce things like that in your life? I am fearful that the belief system that I have always thought to be true is just a facade; similar to other things in my life. I know and have told others that the unknown-those things that really torture who you are in life, are also the most rewarding, but I am unsure that I want to deal with that right now. Haven't I earned my keep for now? Can't things just go easy and as planned sometimes? I want the money issue to be gone and I want security, knowing that my brain, my plans, my dreams will all be utilized and not just thrown out like scraps of nothing.
I allow my emotions to be too wrapped up in thoughts like these. Sometimes I wish I was less complicated-black and white, but I am every shade of color that there is and today I feel quite like "burnt sepia" or possibly "coal black". Oh it is time to stop when analogies of life mirror crayola colors.
I am scared...is that weak to announce things like that in your life? I am fearful that the belief system that I have always thought to be true is just a facade; similar to other things in my life. I know and have told others that the unknown-those things that really torture who you are in life, are also the most rewarding, but I am unsure that I want to deal with that right now. Haven't I earned my keep for now? Can't things just go easy and as planned sometimes? I want the money issue to be gone and I want security, knowing that my brain, my plans, my dreams will all be utilized and not just thrown out like scraps of nothing.
I allow my emotions to be too wrapped up in thoughts like these. Sometimes I wish I was less complicated-black and white, but I am every shade of color that there is and today I feel quite like "burnt sepia" or possibly "coal black". Oh it is time to stop when analogies of life mirror crayola colors.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Mt Mitchell and other things
I have not written for awhile, life was getting kind of boring for a moment because of my knee. But I am back to running (albeit slowly) and I was blessed to attend the AORE (Association of Outdoor Recreation Education) conference in Asheville, NC. I not only learned a lot but I was able to sneak away for some time in the mountains. This year will be my 5 year anniversary since hiking the Appalachian Trail in 2003. I felt it was about time to get back out to the Appalachias.
On Monday, after the conference, I took a lone hike up to the tallest mountain this side of the Mississippi, Mt. Mitchell. It was refreshing. My knee was feeling good, the sun was shining, and in the south the fall had just began. I took the time up the mountain to clear my head and body of all the recent stress in my life (finishing up a degree and working a bunch...plus getting sick). As I hiked up the 2,000 ft ascent I realized I miss days like that. Times when the most important thing is getting from point A to point Z and maybe, that you need to eat a few times during the day. I miss the simple life.
It is so easy to get caught up in the tizzy of the day to day grind, that sometimes I forget what really matters...like earth and air and walking. It was funny to me how even at an outdoor adventure conference it is so easy to get pulled into the politics of an "association" but what we all crave is a little simpleness. That is the time when who you are and what you stand for doesn't matter. Not to say that these things are not important but that in life you have to have things stripped down to the core to really appreciate the eccentricity of life. So I did. I sat at the top and enjoyed the view (even though folks can drive up) and I relaxed. I was for a moment at complete peace.
On Monday, after the conference, I took a lone hike up to the tallest mountain this side of the Mississippi, Mt. Mitchell. It was refreshing. My knee was feeling good, the sun was shining, and in the south the fall had just began. I took the time up the mountain to clear my head and body of all the recent stress in my life (finishing up a degree and working a bunch...plus getting sick). As I hiked up the 2,000 ft ascent I realized I miss days like that. Times when the most important thing is getting from point A to point Z and maybe, that you need to eat a few times during the day. I miss the simple life.
It is so easy to get caught up in the tizzy of the day to day grind, that sometimes I forget what really matters...like earth and air and walking. It was funny to me how even at an outdoor adventure conference it is so easy to get pulled into the politics of an "association" but what we all crave is a little simpleness. That is the time when who you are and what you stand for doesn't matter. Not to say that these things are not important but that in life you have to have things stripped down to the core to really appreciate the eccentricity of life. So I did. I sat at the top and enjoyed the view (even though folks can drive up) and I relaxed. I was for a moment at complete peace.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Another Beginning to an End
Fall semester begins for the last time, at least for me.
U of Akron has seen an increase of 6% this year and it was obvious as I drove around for 15 minutes looking for parking. Of course as these freshman begin, 25% will drop out by the end of the year and that at least leaves me with a parking spot in a few weeks. Sad but true.
I enjoy people watching and as I sat on the lawn and watched freshman frantically search for their classes, I was reminded on how I felt that first day of school. Now, a senior senior, I feel confident that this will all be over for me soon, but that first day was so scary, so overwhelming, which is probably why I could not handle it at 18. Now at 26, I dream of the day I will get that long anticipated diploma. It is within grasp of me now and what is really interesting is that I find myself scared, trepadacious of an oncoming career. Sort of like those freshman wandering around. I have to move on and find my place as a professional, which is scary in its own right.
A couple months ago I had one of those down days. The "blue for no particular reason" days that really suck the happiness from your usual upbeat demeanor. I sat looking at jobs on the computer and scanning possible vacancies in the area...and not one job was found that I could apply for with the credentials I have. If that is not scary I do not know what is. Paul came home to me staring at the computer and I just lost it. I was wondering what the hell I was doing with my life...was there really "hope" that I could make it in this field that was so exclusive? Thank goodness that I married a rational man, he just has this confidence in me that I cannot always find in myself and many times has made it possible for me to try for things that I would not normally go for. He got me calmed down and confident that something would work out...or at least hopeful again.
So here I am, down to the last months of this chapter in my life. Wow!
BTW...I ran 15 miles on Saturday morning, felt pretty good and started at 5:30 am...I might be making these early runs a habit...how funny.
U of Akron has seen an increase of 6% this year and it was obvious as I drove around for 15 minutes looking for parking. Of course as these freshman begin, 25% will drop out by the end of the year and that at least leaves me with a parking spot in a few weeks. Sad but true.
I enjoy people watching and as I sat on the lawn and watched freshman frantically search for their classes, I was reminded on how I felt that first day of school. Now, a senior senior, I feel confident that this will all be over for me soon, but that first day was so scary, so overwhelming, which is probably why I could not handle it at 18. Now at 26, I dream of the day I will get that long anticipated diploma. It is within grasp of me now and what is really interesting is that I find myself scared, trepadacious of an oncoming career. Sort of like those freshman wandering around. I have to move on and find my place as a professional, which is scary in its own right.
A couple months ago I had one of those down days. The "blue for no particular reason" days that really suck the happiness from your usual upbeat demeanor. I sat looking at jobs on the computer and scanning possible vacancies in the area...and not one job was found that I could apply for with the credentials I have. If that is not scary I do not know what is. Paul came home to me staring at the computer and I just lost it. I was wondering what the hell I was doing with my life...was there really "hope" that I could make it in this field that was so exclusive? Thank goodness that I married a rational man, he just has this confidence in me that I cannot always find in myself and many times has made it possible for me to try for things that I would not normally go for. He got me calmed down and confident that something would work out...or at least hopeful again.
So here I am, down to the last months of this chapter in my life. Wow!
BTW...I ran 15 miles on Saturday morning, felt pretty good and started at 5:30 am...I might be making these early runs a habit...how funny.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Finals Week..again
Ughh.
The sound that my brain is making as I make it through the last 2 finals of 16 credits of summer classes that I took. Why would I take a summer so full of classes? Because I want to graduate by MAY! That thought may be the only thing keeping me going right now, because if there was a definition for someone with senior-itis (that is the scientific name), that would be me right now. Now I realize some of you know the situation for why at 26 years old I am still hammering away at a degree and it is completely my fault but it does not make my burned out feelings any easier right now. 3 majors and 6 years of school later (I took some time off), I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. *Insert Hallelujah chorus here*
All I want is to be done. Is that sad that the quest for knowledge has led me to feel exhausted and bitter? Maybe but I realize now that college is more of just an avenue to get through before they will pay you any kind of real money for a job. That is not to say I am in a degree that will get a lot of money (just the opposite), but that I realize what it takes to get through school. I am just stating that I have learned to be a professional BSer and procrastinator, without actually learning that much (OK I have learned a lot but I forgotten a lot as well). I was never the best student. Yes, I will admit I love the last minute pressure to study, it is the only way I learn. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.
At least Calvin gets my drift. It doesn't help that I do enjoy a lot of extracurricular activities and that a lot of my week now is spent training, but those moments in training allow me to spend those needed moments in front of my books and computer...who wouldn't want to go for a 7 mi run after spending hours staring at words, graphs, and pictures. I am just a girl who wants to enjoy my life. I do not want to regret missing things because I had to work my arse off. I much rather lose out for a job then actually compromise on the things that make me REALLY HAPPY. So maybe that is wrong for some people but in my belief we only have one life, live it.
If I just make it for this next 3 days....study, study, run, bike, swim, climb, study....
;0 )
The sound that my brain is making as I make it through the last 2 finals of 16 credits of summer classes that I took. Why would I take a summer so full of classes? Because I want to graduate by MAY! That thought may be the only thing keeping me going right now, because if there was a definition for someone with senior-itis (that is the scientific name), that would be me right now. Now I realize some of you know the situation for why at 26 years old I am still hammering away at a degree and it is completely my fault but it does not make my burned out feelings any easier right now. 3 majors and 6 years of school later (I took some time off), I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. *Insert Hallelujah chorus here*
All I want is to be done. Is that sad that the quest for knowledge has led me to feel exhausted and bitter? Maybe but I realize now that college is more of just an avenue to get through before they will pay you any kind of real money for a job. That is not to say I am in a degree that will get a lot of money (just the opposite), but that I realize what it takes to get through school. I am just stating that I have learned to be a professional BSer and procrastinator, without actually learning that much (OK I have learned a lot but I forgotten a lot as well). I was never the best student. Yes, I will admit I love the last minute pressure to study, it is the only way I learn. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.
At least Calvin gets my drift. It doesn't help that I do enjoy a lot of extracurricular activities and that a lot of my week now is spent training, but those moments in training allow me to spend those needed moments in front of my books and computer...who wouldn't want to go for a 7 mi run after spending hours staring at words, graphs, and pictures. I am just a girl who wants to enjoy my life. I do not want to regret missing things because I had to work my arse off. I much rather lose out for a job then actually compromise on the things that make me REALLY HAPPY. So maybe that is wrong for some people but in my belief we only have one life, live it.
If I just make it for this next 3 days....study, study, run, bike, swim, climb, study....
;0 )
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Leafs a Changing
Recently, I have been a myspacer, but times they are a changing and I believe that today I will start an actual "adult" blog. Adult being the operative word, sometimes I feel I am a mature, respectable member of society but most days I like to play around and make fart jokes (Ok maybe not that crass but gaseous comic relief has been known to make me laugh from time to time)
I also wanted to begin a blog that tracks my training for runs, swims, hikes, climbs, etc. As well as a blog to watch my current jump from career student to actual career (scary, huh?) . So this will be a little of everything; the good, the bad, the ridiculous...a potpourri of random information about me and my life.
I am already very excited about my new blog as Blogger has already pointed out five spelling errors which, if I were writing on Myspace, would have already been overlooked and then posted.
OK---Onto new things.
I was in the paper yesterday. Not your high level New York Times or Boston Tribune...no, the AKRON BEACON JOURNAL. Not many days that your ass can be found on the upper right hand corner of the paper.
Yep...that is me. Spiderwoman...sort of. In an article about alternative exercise.
Taking my moment in the sun, yep, there it was. Off my self selfishness.
Later Fellow Blogsters and Readers.
I also wanted to begin a blog that tracks my training for runs, swims, hikes, climbs, etc. As well as a blog to watch my current jump from career student to actual career (scary, huh?) . So this will be a little of everything; the good, the bad, the ridiculous...a potpourri of random information about me and my life.
I am already very excited about my new blog as Blogger has already pointed out five spelling errors which, if I were writing on Myspace, would have already been overlooked and then posted.
OK---Onto new things.
I was in the paper yesterday. Not your high level New York Times or Boston Tribune...no, the AKRON BEACON JOURNAL. Not many days that your ass can be found on the upper right hand corner of the paper.
Yep...that is me. Spiderwoman...sort of. In an article about alternative exercise.
Taking my moment in the sun, yep, there it was. Off my self selfishness.
Later Fellow Blogsters and Readers.
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