Monday, November 15, 2010

I am ok

Sorry for the last post, but sometimes things just seem completely unfair (I know - insert lecture about how life is not fair).  I needed a moment to wallow before sucking it up and moving forward.  I will find more from the doctor on the Monday after Thanksgiving, so decisions will be made then in regards to having a child. :)

I did have two people offer to carry my child for me, ha that is funny.  Other than that, I need to see in my heart if I am OK with NOT having a child and what that all means to me.  I am not jumping to any decisions; not until I talk with my doctor, my husband, God and myself.  I am sad about this, everyone hopes that getting pregnant will be as easy as it is for many friends - I swear half of them sneeze and they are pregnant.  Unfortunately, like many other things in my life, that is not my luck.  I happened to get a little more than some others and there are people that have gotten more than me, so dang it, I guess that is just the way it is.

On another note, I had 4 days off in a row at work - the most glorious November Fall days I can remember and it was good.  Good for me to rest my body, good for me to rest my soul and good for my household chores :) . 


Have Myelin? said...

Glad you are okay. Although I have never been in your shoes, I do know people who have (still are) in your situation.

Few can know the full pain.

erin said...

that's my are so resilient...

it's okay to wallow...i know you will always bounce is ups and downs...peaks and valleys...sort of like your appalachian have LIVED the metaphor...and are living it again...


Bibliotekaren said...

I was going to email you after seeing your 12/28 post that was fleeting. Alas, no email in your profile. In any case, I've frequently unpublished posts too where I was really honest -- it felt too vulnerable and many people want to hear about us heroically "rising above" not struggling.

I just want to acknowledge that it is really tough coming to accept that the life you once thought you'd have will not be.

Oh yeah, there are people who are worse off than you... you've got so much for which to be grateful... didn't you hear about the blind guy who climbed Everest so you should be able to buck up... yada, yada. While those kind of messages have semi-valid points they can be used to deny our experience and the grief/anger we need to process. And, it may take time.

Maybe I'm reading too much into that post but I felt inclined to say these things. Take good care -- whatever that means in your situation.