Have not written here for a long time, but I have been needing to journal. Things are topsy turvy in my life right now and I am very fearful of what is going to come. I feel that anything could happen.
To give the basics about two weeks ago I began feeling like I was getting a headache, over a few days the headache became unbearable. I was dizzy, nauseous, and my head felt like someone was beating me with a hammer. After about 4 days of continuous pain I went to my Dr.
He right away thought it was a migraine (which I had once after my wisdom teeth were pulled and it felt different) and I thought maybe he was right. I agreed on trying the medicine that he gave me and over the course of two days the headache went away. I still had this sever pressure behind my eye, but I was hoping that it would go away in a day or two.
In two days time I began to lose eyesight in my left eye. After googling a lot of "possible" diseases, I thought it would be better for me to visit an ophthalmologist and get an actual Dr.'s opinion. After a long appointment, my doc stated she thought that the cause was my optic nerve, something called Optic Neuritis. She also knew that I was going to google it, so she stated that I would find out that it could be a sign of Multiple Sclerosis.
I thanked her for the information but in my mind I was like, "WTF!!!!! Are f-ing serious?"
Of course I knew what it was, I have a best friend whose mom has been dealing with it, P's cousin has had it since he was 15, and I studied physiology in my undergrad, the implications of this were overwhelming to me.
My ophthalmologist wanted me to get a second opinion from another ophthalmologist who specializes in the optic nerve. This past Monday was that appointment, after the exact same tests at the last Dr (you think that they could share information) it was reconfirmed that I indeed did have Optic Neuritis and that I had lost a significant portion of my eyesight.
He also gave me the Multiple Sclerosis spiel (stating that 50% of Optic Neuritis sufferers have MS) and asked me to get an MRI. I am due for a full MRI of my brain and spinal chord tomorrow.
What am I feeling right now? Well, afraid, mad, unsure, scared, emotional, tired, and just sad. I am not allowed to work out, because a rise in body temperature can aggravate the optic nerve. Usually if I am having a bad day, week, month I turn to running. Not only am I feeling all of these things but my favorite stress reliever has been taken away.
It will be over a week before I find out the results, I am hoping for the best, expecting the worst, and trying to be strong in the ensuing weeks. Life is funny at handing things to you when you least expect it...scary.